How to Spot Anti-Realists

An anti-realist, or solipsist, believes that nothing outside of their own mind exists. This is a stupid mindset, and one that you should seek to stop.

*WARNING*

The following techniques can be dangerous, be sure to wear proper safety equipment (such as earplugs) when confronting a solipsist.

How to Recognize a Solipsist:

1. If they EVER tell you that you do not exist.
2. If they ramble on about "perception" and the meaning of "reality" as if they believe it is actually important, or interesting.
3. When someone insults them, they revert to an extreme level of smugness. In most cases, you will actually be able to smell the smugness. Take precautions, as those with allergies or breathing problems may succumb.
4. They may trip strangers for kicks.
5. They offer people red pills and a chance to "wake up".

Actual anti-realist quotes:

• "The glass is however full that I godamn want it to be, all right?"
• "Mmmhmmmm" (the sound they make while looking in a mirror)
• "I had the weirdest dream last night guys; and guess what, you were ALL in it!"

Defensive Strategies:

• If you are ever cornered by a solipsist first try to surprise them. If you do something truly random and unpredictable it will completely shift their world view. Don't be shocked if their ears start to bleed.
• Slap them.
• Point out the obvious flaws in their argument. (note that this is also considered an offense strategy, more of those will be covered in my next post: How to Hunt Anti-Realists)

Please report all confirmed solipsist sightings to the proper authorities or below as a comment. Thanks for helping make the world a safer place.

Death of Decency

Finally a proper post.

A friend of mine was telling me about an Iranian custom. It goes like this: if someone you know comes over to your table (this is at a restaurant or something), everybody at your table stands up and gives them a handshake or hug. First off: good on the Iranians for being so polite. And second why isn't that just what you do?

Let's use another example: say you are on a bus and you have the last seat. How many of us would give up the seat for someone else? As Calvin once said: "People are scum". Why? What happened?

In Medieval Europe, the knight class had chivalry. This was (for all you who failed Grd. 8 SS) basically a code that made them good to others. They were kind to the poor and protected the weak. Now we rip on someone mercilessly for owning the wrong game console. (Or right console in this case. Xbox ftw!) In 19th century england, the gentlemen would hold open doors for others and give up their spot on the proverbial bus.

What happened was the hippies. Yes. I mean it. Wait for the explaination, 'kay?

The hippies wanted more freedom. which is ok, unless you live in the most free place in the history of mankind. But eventually, they got everything they wanted. (I'm quoting someone for this next bit, I just can't remember who and where.) But then they wanted freedom from responsibility. They didn't want to have to do anything. And they got it. So now instead of working, we have welfare. Instead of free speech, we have the Human Rights Commission.

Skip forward to the present. Why would you be nice when you don't have to? You can look out for Number 1 all the time and it works out for you. In England (Medieval and 19th century) you didn't follow the rules, you weren't really upper class, and we all know how sick it was to be up there. Now if you don't follow the rules, you're a hero. General laziness has killed society.

So, it's up to you. do you carry the tor(w)ch of douchebaggery into the next generation? Or do you throw it in a puddle and go and be a better person. Comments welcome. Commies aren't.

List of the Week (Jumping the Shark)

I wanted to post something relevant, but I couldn't think of anything. Here we go.

Darkest Days of History:

7. Cannae, Battle of. 80,000 Romans enter, 5000 leave.

6. Inquisition, Spanish. Start of a 400 year long reign of savage interrogation and execution.

5. Rome, fall of. The end of real civilization for 600 years.

4. August 2, 1934. Hitler takes complete power of Germany.

3. Baghdad, Battle of. Mongol forces kill over 1 million civilians as they sack the Islamic Capital.

2. 9/11. Terrorists (not Bush) destroy the World Trade Center. Begins the War on Terror.

1. Sept. 5. Any year. School starts for millions in the western world. 'Nuff said.

Angst, Angst, Angst...

Truths of Life:

Yes, there is someone with a P90 right outside that window.
No, they don't respect you.
Yes, it does require a monthly fee.
No, you can't sharpen your pencil/get a drink/use your calculator.
Yes, it is a scam.
No, the answer wasn't supposed to be rounded.
Yes, they are spamming elite skirmishers.
No, he wasn't screen-peeking. Really.
Yes, your shoes/iPod/operating system are outdated.
No, you don't know enough.
Yes, Obama does own GM.
No, this post doesn't have anything relevant to say

Update!

Yes, this crap was clearly explained earlier.
No, that's just the tax.
Yes, your Wii Sports age is spot on.
No, your jokes aren't funny.
Yes, Dumbledore is gay.
No, it's not enough to be smart and/or funny.
Yes, there's no difference between Coke Zero and Diet Coke.

List of the Week (Pilot Episode)

Hello you three. (sob...) I thought that the site was taking an intellectual upturn, so I've decided to instate a weekly list of stuff. What stuff you ask? Well, it's mostly the waste of your higher brain functions. Like environmental activism.

Most Over Used Jokes Evar.

7. Anything involving your mother.

6. Anything on Disney Channel.

5. This is even more (blank) than that time I (blanked) with (blank).

4. Interupting a silence with a fart. Lame.

3. Puns of any sort.. God. Not funny for Shakespeare, not funny for anyone.

2. Anything with a misinterpreted "that's what she said" meaning.

And #1 is...
George Bush is stupid.

Oh, and instantmartians.com celebrates it's 100th hit. Keep it up!

Comment on any others you find. More lists to come.

Claymore