List of the Week: It's a Lie!

The future is coming. You can't stop it. You can't even invent dubious claims of the world ending anymore without someone seeing the blinding hole in your logic. So why resist? The list for today is future things that the everyman wants to see. None of this molecular physics nonsense.

7. No load times.

This means everything. Line ups at the grocery store, video games, cooking food. No waiting for something to finish creating itself to be made of use. This will cut valuable time out of everyone's schedule and let you get stuff done.

6. Unbiased News

Heard of the riots against Obama's health care? Of course not. QED.

5. 100% Authentic Virtual Reality

Imagine a totally immersive experience. It would work for sports, video games, and movies. Move your head to the left, the picture shifts accordingly. Might need some sort of controller input though...

4. Mind-to-Paper-To-Computer

It takes way too long to write a paper by hand. And sometimes, you need to make it look nice, but don't have a 'puter nearby. What'cha to do? Get your brain to write out your thoughts, then send that document to your email and continue later. Work made easy.

3. Teleportation

Obvious really. Only problem is, what's keeping your annoying realatives in Iowa from stopping by?

2. Wisdom Shots

A sharp stab in the arm, then as much kniowledge as human kind has achieved is yours. School shots have never been so fun.

1. Cloning

The world needs more of me.

Right. You geniuses need to get on this. 800 SAT scores are good, but earn those certificates, gents.